Name: Heather
Atascadero, CA
Number of kids: 2
Ages of kids: 9 and 12
Problem: I've been married to my husband for two years- dating for several before. I'm in my mid-30's, once divorced, no kids of my own. I feel he has unrealistic expectations. He does not want to have more kids, I'm ambivalent on that point. HE feels I should bond with his kids and treat th em as my own; and that should take care of any needs I have for a child. I know he feels that I don't love his kids enough, that I'm not like a mother to them. I get along great with the kids. They also have a great biological mother who lives near by and has them half the time. He feels that he doesn't have any expectations on me, and that I am someone abnormal and not caring for not totally bonding with his kids. I do love them and enjoy them, but they are not "my" kids. Am I being selfish and not opening my heart up to the kids, or does it take time to develop closeness. Does anyone think that his kids could really take the place of me having my own? (he has a vasectomy). I don't really know if I want a child, but the biological clock is running out. Before we married he was 80% sure he didn't want another kid. 6 months later he was 100% sure.
Solution submitted by Robbie: Heather, I am in a similar situation. I have been married to my husband for a year and a half. I'm 30, and have no kids of my own either. He has a 14 year old daughter who is a nice kid. There is not an instant bonding, the best relationship you can have is a friendship. I don't think his kids can take the place of having your "own." We plan to have one of our own together. If he wanted to discuss having a child with you, adoption could be an option. You need to figure out if having your own child is important to you. Best of luck.
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