Name: Ian
New Orleans, LA
Number of kids: 1
Ages of kids: 16
Problem: While in my son's room recently, I accidentally discovered a piece of paper which had the following information written on it: The name of a friend of my wife's and mine, her credit card number and expiration date, plus the bank's name. When I confronted my son about this (over the phone, because he is 360 miles away staying with his mother for the summer), he took the attitude that I shouldn't be looking in his room. Well, things went down hill from there, and he ended up hanging up on me. I called his mother and told her if he didn't change his attitude, he'd better stay over there with her. I could hear her in the background when I was talking to my son supporting what he was saying. I called the owner of the card and fortunately, it looks like he never used the card, because she has had no problems with unaccounted for charges. My position now is that my son must agree to us searching his room periodically or he has to stay with his mother, who lets him get away with a lot more than my wife and I do. Am I wrong or right?
Solution submitted by Richard from Boise, ID: The majority of these answers provide a pretty clear indication of why the American family and the country itself are on the rocks.
The inmates have become so convinced that they are running the asylum, they become insolent and hysterical if presented with evidence to the contrary.
Those who should know better are so irresponsible, they actually believe the government (In this case, some sort of strange world organization!) should be allowed to tell parents how to raise their own children.
Another solution submitted by "satan" from Austin, TX: The answer justifying the violation of a child's privacy was clearly written by an adult. Frankly, children deserve their own space. It's a god given right. only a complete a-- hole would just barge into a room uninvited without knocking first. Please take my argument into consideration.
Another solution submitted by Mike from Fallon, NV: Ian - You have done exactly right. I don't know if you listen to Dr. Laura Schlessinger, but I have heard several people call with this same problem. She always says that the child needs to understand that you paid for everything in the house and nowhere is off limits to you. When he pays for his own house, he can declare areas private. The question that's always asked is "What if you found a gun, would you not say anything because you were told not to enter his room?" Well, didn't you find a gun? It was definitely something deadly. I've got an ex-wife also. I know how it goes. In this case, you just saved this kid from a felony conviction, he doesn't appreciate it and your ex-wife is using it to turn him against you. Some things never change. Hang in there, buddy. You're the only chance that kid has. There's a million of us out here and were all with you.
Another solution submitted by Joey from Plano, TX: Let me first say that i am a child, so i might have some natural biases or whatnot in this issue. However, I completely disagree with the previous answer. Just by having your soon, you enter into an unwritten agreement, in which he has several inalienable rights, one of this being privacy. You give him his room, so it is for all practical purposes his. If you have reason to suspect that your son is up to something illegal/bad/immoral/whatever, I believe that you then have a right to search through his room. But you said that you accidentally found this credit card number. Now, even though you did find evidence of some wrongdoing, this does not justify your search of his room. You had no reason to believe he was doing anything wrong, and you totally violated his personal space. Many parents do not realize that their child's room is just that; personal space. What if your son was thumbing through your room and found something that made you look bad? You would feel that his invasion of your privacy was incredibly unjust and irresponsible. I hate to sound so argumentative, but that's just how i feel. Thanks for reading...
Another solution submitted by Paul from Grand Forks, ND: in response to whoever submitted the solution that it was ok to be digging through your child's stuff:
The Untied Nations would disagree with you. See article 16 of the Conference on the Rights of the Child. This is the most widely ratified treaty ever.
The point here is that we live in a world society, and by violating your child's right to privacy, you are also violating a world-held norm. violation this norm will lead to social instability. The end of civilization as we know it, folks.
Editor's Note: Paul also recommends the book, "On Liberty" by John Stuart Mills. You can order this book through our Parentsroom Bookstore by clicking on it's title here.
Please submit any more solutions.