Name: Mrs Lim
Number of kids: 2
Ages of kids: 21, 17
Problem: My sister has 2 children, a boy 15, a girl 12. The boy lately has been taken her as a punch bag when he doesn't get his ways. My sister scolded for punching her arms which are now very bruised with black/blue colours. She is a hemophilic carrier and bruises easily. Her son shouted loudly that if daddy can beat mummy why cant he? He has become a terror in the home and my sister in her tears wishes him dead. Her hubby and parents-in-law are about to consult a "bomoh" which equivalent to a voodoo for help. My sister feels he might be mentally deranged. In school he is a perfect angel and the principal/teachers are not able to find any flaw in the child. Her husband has asked my sister to leave their home blaming her for not being able to manage their son. My sister is very devastated and cries over the phone. We are staying about 2 hours' drive away. She fears her husband greatly for he has been beating her all these years and she never told anyone about it. Incidentally her son has just registered into a catholic mission school and I think the child is unhappy. Very often the child will kick my sister's ankle as if he is practicing his football kick. Please advise whether the child has a psychological problem. In Malaysia we don't have such expertise.
Solution submitted by "Mabear" from Phoenix, AZ: My friend, I hope with all my heart that some Doctors respond to you. Your letter invoked rage in me and then broke my heart. I am certain that the young man you spoke of loved his mama dearly once. I'm afraid that constantly seeing his father hatefully abusing her finally tore away the foundation of love that the little boy was trying to build on. I am simply a mom here so I doubt I can give you tools to help in your problem but one thing I am very certain of, I MUST STOP threatening and demeaning behavior from my husband right when it happens or it will be my children that it has the biggest effect on. I wish your sister truly understood the value of her place in that home. She has a very big hinderance to get around though...her husband. You asked if the boy needed psychological help....the husband is the starting point, I think. I trust you help her in many ways including helping her gently separate herself emotionally from her husband so she can get herself back on track with her children? If he is incapable of being the family's leader then SHE needs to quietly step in and carefully redirect focus. I don't know what would immediately stop the bruising and the kicking but something needs to stop THAT right now. Your sister's little girl is extremely confused right now, but if your sister will take heart, hold tight and be diligent, what a wonderful and extraordinary example she would become to her daughter and, in time, to her son. An example of a mother who cares so much for her children's confidence, and stability in reason and respect, that she'll put everything she has left into truly being their teacher. And do it for the sake of the family. After all, at this point, there is neither Father nor Mother in a respectable position and you KNOW the son can not respect his Father after all that has been done.
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