Name: jom

N. Attleboro

Number of kids: 1

Ages of kids: 5

Problem: My child is sensitive to words. If a child tells my son, he won't be his friend or calls him a name, my son takes it to heart. How do I tell him not to take it personally?

Solution submitted by "Debbie" from Orangevale, CA: I just finished reading "Raising Your Spirited Child : A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. I think it would be very helpful to you. There is a whole chapter discussing sensitivity and there are many solutions and ideas to apply. :-)

Editor's Note: The above mentioned book, can be ordered through The #!Parentsroom Book Store, by clicking on the title or book jacket above.

Another solution submitted by "Tami" from Racine, WI: I understand what you're going through. The first thing you need to make sure you're doing is giving your child enough praise in everything that they do--hence, allowing their self-esteem to become more positive. I've explained to my stepson in the past that when other children make fun of him or say that they don't want to play with him that sometimes people are in sad moods and don't want to play with you. That doesn't mean that they don't like you. Also, I use an example when my child had said that he/she didn't want to play with someone. My child once had other boys make fun of the "Power Ranger" jogging suit he was wearing. I told him that they were jealous because they didn't have one. Also, I told him that when they do that to say "My other friends think it's cool!" and ignore the rest of the comments. It's seemed to work. Your child has to learn to stand up for him/herself. By preparing them with a lot of praise and building their self-esteem, their "over sensitivity" will be lessened. Also, when your child says that they don't like a person or what they're wearing ask the--why? Then using that answer apply it to when other kids make fun of him/her. During this age, kids are going through one of the most important emotional stages in their life (next to adolescence). They are making friends, learning to deal with their emotions, and most important becoming their own unique self. The most important thing you can do is give constant praise and allow their self-esteem to blossom! Good luck and let me know how things work out!

Another solution submitted by "Mabear" from Phoenix, AZ: Our family also has been blessed with a very sensitive child. It is so true that words, name calling and unkind looks are taken to heart by them and mulled over for unhealthy amounts of time if left alone. This I discovered one time when I told myself "I'll ignore it and then he'll HAVE to work through it and grow up." How wrong I was. His behavior changed to the point that I was left scrambling to turn him back around again. He is 9 now and still needs the balance of an "outside" perspective to get over those words and attitudes that trip him up, but we found something that helps. We play a "words" game with interesting playing pieces. He sits across the table from me and we roll a ball back and forth. This is what we call "normal, fun words." Beside me, in a bucket I have a peeled orange. I unexpectedly grab and roll the orange to him and he knows that he has to catch it, though it will be messy (these are the words that hurt...and the attitudes that stink). He catches it, then gets up and walks to the trash. He then throws it away and washes his hands. Through this game he has learned to put things where they belong where words are concerned and not allow them to affect him or his self esteem. I hope this can be a help to you because now I recognize how wonderful a trait the sensitivity is in a person (big or small), and it is something to be treasured and encouraged in its place.