Name: Lolita Magisana

New Orleans, LA

Number of kids: 1

Ages of kids: 8 months

I grew up believing that when I had a child I would be sending her to a nursery school as soon as she reached 6 wks. old. I never went back to work and my child is now 8 mos. old. She has been through colic, 3 ear infections, and began teething at 2 mos. and hasn't stopped since (8 teeth). I don't think I could've handled all that if I had been working as well. So why is it every time someone asks me if I'm working outside the home and I reply "no" I feel like two cents? What I am doing is a very valid "job." One that doesn't end at 5o'clock. I think all stay at home moms deserve a lot more credit than they're receiving. It's not easy when you can't argue with the boss and say you want a break.

I'm not saying that working moms are bad moms they work, but stay at home moms aren't not working because they're lazy which seems to be a lot of people's opinions we just don't want to miss a moment of our child's development if we don't have to.

Another response posted by "Flame" from North Island, New Zealand: I am a Stay at Home Mum. Fortunately this has been possible, as my husband has a job which provides us with an adequate income for me to be able to have the choice. I feel for women who are forced to return to the work-force to sustain a reasonable living. For me the choice was easy. I have enjoyed every moment of my children's growing years. It was very important for me to be able to help out at schools they attended, watch them on sports or music days and generally be included in their daily lives.

Now three of them are teenagers and more independent it does not make the task of child raising any easier. In actual fact this is the time they need you most for friendship and guidance.

It is also important to have interests outside the home and family as it is very easy to begin loosing your self confidence and feel you're not contributing to society. A mother is not truly valued for her work and input into family life.

Being a mum can be stressful but it is also the most rewarding job we do in our lifetime.

Another response posted by "Julie" from the US: I truly enjoy my job. That is, staying at home to raise my kids. It may get me stressed out, it may leave me tired and sometimes just plain going crazy.. but the rewards are immeasurable. The concept of paying someone else to raise them is... silly to me. Some people say that they are forced to go to work, and in dire health circumstances or single parenthood, to name a couple, I can see where it is necessary. But just cuz you don't want to give up your standard of living... bah.. why even have kids?

Its not that I don't think women should have careers, I am considering going back to work after the kids are back in school. But it will be at home. I have a budding craft business that could become an income if I spent some time on it. Now people reading this are probably thinking : "her husband must have some bucks." Well I will burst that one right now. We make under 30K a year and own our own home with almost an acre of property. How do we do it? Well we certainly don't starve, and we don't cut out the fun things in life. We just don't buy anything on credit. With the exception of the house, we have NO debt.

So if you are saying, I just CAN'T do it. My question to you is: Have you tried?

Finally I have to ask: If you asked parents if they would loan their car to their daycare provider, what would they say? =)

My two cents. Julie

Another response posted by Louisa from PA: Previously, I did work full time and absolutely loved my job. My mother chose to watch my daughter while I worked. Two weeks into babysitting, she had a stroke and I was forced to stay home. Child care was to expensive and the thoughts of a stranger raising my daughter was out of the question.

My husband and I learned to lower our standard of living and live within our means.

I do wish that my mother never had her stroke, but I am grateful that something gave me the opportunity to experience staying at home. Even though it gets a little hectic at times, I treasure every moment I have had and will have with my daughter.

I do understand that this is not possible for all parents or single parents to do and there are different circumstances for everyone. But for the parents who do have a choice, always go with your instincts and stay at home to raise your children these are memories you will treasure forever .

Another response posted by Lynda from Wellsville, NY: Hi there! I am a 23 year old mother of 2...When I gave birth to my eldest, I returned to work but worked only nights. I never wanted to dump her off at a babysitters. This all worked well And then I gave birth once more.I didn't want to return to work because they wouldn't allow me to work only nights.. That would mean I would have to drop both kids off at a babysitters and I would miss out on both of their developments. My husband's job provided enough money for me to stay home. Now,there are ups and downs to this.

I worked with the public since I was 15 and loved it. Staying at home with 2 kids,limits my social get togethers.I often get frustrated staying at home with 2 kids. I need adult company. I don't go out often because when my husband is home, that is our family time. So sometimes,staying home 24-7 with two needy, clingy kids can drive me insane.

The up side: I am there no matter what when my kids need me. When they are sick I take care of them instead of a babysitter. I am teaching them things and watching them grow and I have a strong bond with them. I love to be able to have all the time in the world for my kids rather than having to make time between work and kids. I love to be home for all of that, but do miss working. I am not against working moms at all, in fact, I admire them because working and parenting is very hard and can be stressful on all aspects of a marriage...and parenthood.

Another response posted by Darcy from Newark, OH: Hi! I am a 24 year old SAHM and am very proud that I can do this. I wanted to say that for our family it was the easiest and best choice for us. My husbands job is not a real high paying one but it is well above minimum. We sat down and figured out that it just wouldn't pay for me to go to work, as it would only pay enough for me to pay a caregiver. So we decided to give her the best caregiver that she could have---me.

SAHMs do have their ups and downs. We get to see our children grow and develop, we are there to see what they learn, how they do when hurt, etc. Also though we do not get much time to ourselves and when we go somewhere it usually means taking the kids along. Don't get me wrong I LOVE staying home with my daughter and I look forward to each day. I have never left her more than 3 hours with anyone else and have yet to spend a night away from her. That has been purely my choice as I love seeing every waking (and sleeping) minute of her life. She is very intelligent and speaks very well already. If I missed out on any of these things I would be very sad.

However, there are two sides to every coin. So for the mothers who choose not to stay home I have to ask why? But for those who do not have a choice I say there is nothing wrong with you. As someone posted here before--about lowering the standard of living--some people cannot afford to do that. As strange as that sounds some people just can not survive except to have both parents work. I know that there is welfare out there, but have you ever tried it? It isn't what it is cracked up to be.

For the people who treat it right, they get the worst end of it. How is it that an honest ] family with one or two children barely scrape by with help from welfare, yet there are some with more children and you would think that they hit the lottery? Because their job is illegal. I know friends who would love to stay home with their children but cannot because Welfare says to go to work--when the baby turns 6 weeks!--or look elsewhere for help. Yet when you do work the low income housing they provide for you, turns around and kicks you out for making to much money. I have watched my best friend go through this situation, there is just no end to it. A lower standard of living is how a lot of people are living and they can't afford to go much lower. Before you can say that a WM (working mom) is bad, maybe you should take a walk in her shoes. Not everyone is as fortunate as you and me. Some people can not help their situation.

Just thought I would say what was on my mind. Remember: Do the best you can where you are with what you have.

Another response posted by Denise: I think that mom's who choose to stay at home are to be commended, just as much as mom's who choose to return to work. I read an opinion in here about women who go back to work only do so because they are afraid to lower their standard of living. I do not wish to lower my standard and comfort level and that of my daughter. I also know that working outside of my home provides me with valuable experiences, friendships and opportunities. I do believe I could get things like this by staying at home also, but I choose to expand mine.

I have to say also that I think in some instances, working away from home is easier than at home, knowing the last 4 months I have put in at home!! I love my child, but I know in order to be a good mom, I need to return to work.

Another response posted by Aisling: I gave up work five months ago after returning to work from maternity leave. My eldest son was three and a half and my youngest son was 7 months. We employed a nanny to look after them. However, this arrangement didn't work out as she proved to be unreliable, and when we returned on-speck a couple of times, she was found to be putting the kids to bed at ridiculous times! She just couldn't handle them both all day - even though the eldest went to nursery four afternoons a week. The crunch came on the summer holidays, when she had them both all day for weeks. We ended up sacking her and I had to give up work. I made the decision and I'm happy about it. I went back to work when my elest son was 12 weeks old, and never regretted it. His carer was first class and made it easy to go to work every morning. But when the time came when we were unhappy about our children's care, and worried about them, I couldn't concentrate on my job - an analyst with a telecoms firm.

I have to say also that I think in some instances, working away from home is easier than at home, knowing the last 4 months I have put in at home!! I love my child, but I know in order to be a good mom, I need to return to work.

I'm glad I'm at home even though I get lonely sometimes. But I may return to work when they're older. The eldest starts school full time in September and the youngest begins nursery in two years time. We'll see. But I feel I've bonded with them so well and it's so different being a stay at home mother, as opposed to a working one. Perhaps when the time comes I'll try to get a part time job, which is the best of both worlds, to accommodate school runs etc.

Good luck to mums everywhere - whether they choose to work or stay at home. Stay at home mothers are not recognised enough for what they do, and are made to feel undervalued.

NEW!Another response posted by Barb from Edina, MN: I wanted to make a quick comment about the issue of staying at home and working moms. I cuurently work full time and my husband works nights-while our girls are only in daycare for 4 and a half hours each day, our family life is absolutely gone. I have a long commute so I am away from my girls 11 hours a day, by the time I get home I am way too stressed out and tired and feel that because of this, I am not raising them the way I had always planned. Friends have told me to let things go and that it is ok if my daughter eats meat (I am vegetarian) or if I end up bottle feeding, or if they end up watching too much tv since I am so busy, because this is the society we live in. I say this is INSANE!!!! And I am trying to find a way to stay home with my kids (we overspent and racked up the charge cards so I do need some income). So I believe that working moms are to be commended cause it is extremely difficult to do-but I also think it is nuts because I just don't see how I can continue to raise my children and work full time-I simply can't keep up