Lincoln City, OR
Number of kids: 3
Ages of kids: 9, 7, 2
Problem: I'm a step-mom. I have been with my husband for almost 4yrs. Well, the 9 & 7 year olds are my step-sons. Their real mom lives in Boise, Idaho, so they don't really see her but she does call them sometimes, but the last time she called she talked to the 9yr (oldest) and said she was going to buy him this and that but leaving out the 7 yr, which really hurt him. But this isn't the first time she has done this to them. She's always saying and doing things to hurt them. I have ask my husband to talk to her but he says he doesn't want to deal with her or her mouth. How do I deal with it when my step son thinks that their real mom is the queen of the mountain. Even though the way she treats them, I really don't understand why they think that (i really don't know). They see her about one month out of the year (thank god) which is during the summer. When they get back it takes about a month or so to get them back to normal, and they tell me and their dad about all of the mean stuff she does to them which make me not want to send them next summer. She's always promising things to them but she never follows through with it, So these boy are hurt cause she broke her to them promise, which really makes me mad cause they come to me upset when she has hurt them. Being a step mom is very hard to do. I tired to be the best step mom for them.
Solution submitted Suzy from Kokomo, IN: I have been mom to my husband's children since they were 3 and 5. I offer you encouragement that you are not alone in dealing with a difficult "real" mom. My kids' birth mother lives 3 hours away and came in and out of their lives when she felt like it, playing all sorts of mind games with them. Now we haven't heard from her for a year. My suggestions: love the kids as much as you possibly can, give them as much security as you possibly can, and emphasize "family" in all you do. I felt so powerless for so long. Now I realize I have the power to give them everyday love and security. If you're like me, you hate the terms "step mom" and "real mom." We try not to use these terms in our household. I am their step mom if asked specifically, I'm their mom in all other aspects. In my opinion, "mom" is a title you earn. Good luck!
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