Name: Barbie2

Martinsville, VA

Number of kids: 2

Ages of kids: 16 and 18

Problem: I have a 16 year old beautiful blonde haired blue eyed daughter. She is [secretly] dating a young black boy from her school. This was a problem last school year along with pot, drinking, staying out all night, and failing grades. We believe that we have the drinking, pot, and failing grades under control. But the secretly seeing black boys continues. She is under constant supervision at home but we can't control what happens in the school. We are not prejudiced. We have discussed this with our friends (who are black with the same beliefs) and they also are at a loss of how to handle this. We look for any suggestions on how to handle this problem without instilling any prejudice in her.

Solution submitted by Keyla from Toledo, OH: I believe that it is okay for people to out of there race because its not about your color its what's on the inside and that's all I have to say.

Another solution submitted by K from OKC, OK: Unless they boy is having a negative influence on your child, such as involvement in or encouragement of the substance abuse and failing grades, you should have no problem with their relationship. Otherwise, you are prejudice, and just because African-Americans agree with you does not mean that your beliefs are justified. Black people can be prejudice as well. I suggest you have a calm and serious discussion with your child and find out how she truly feels about this boy and your refusal to allow her to make her own judgements when it comes to HER relationships.

Another solution submitted Michale from Lubbock: All of my children are girls so therefore I have been faced with the dating problem of different races. I will not allow my children to date out of their race (w) and for good reason. I come from a small town and through my 12 years of high school and almost 40 years of life have seen what interracial marriages and births do to children. Call it racism, prejudice or whatever but the children do pay for it. The kindest thing a parent or future parent can do is give their children one heritage or background to deal with. My best friend married a mexican and it ending in divorce. I have several friends that married out of their race and not one of their marriages lasted. Cultural and religious differences may be a problem thought in the past but it is not. I am about to graduate from College and there are students in my classes who are as angry and separated by race, religion, or whatever as strongly today as they were in the 60's. The bottom line date and marry in your own race, with the problems facing today's marriages, don't you think that those problems are better left unchallenged.

Another solution submitted by Rosie from Belgium: I'm not quite clear if the boyfriend was connected to the pot, bad grades etc. but the fact that he is black has nothing to do with that. He could just as easily have been white. Why don't you let the boyfriend come to the house? If you don't, it seems quite obvious to me that he is in some way unacceptable to you. If you place a little faith in your daughter's judgment and a little more faith in the boyfriend who is not guilty of anything unless proven otherwise, you might find this way of tackling things will pay off.

I also have a 17 year-old, red-haired, blue-eyed daughter who has been dating a young Somalian black (who is really cute) and it's obvious the colour of his skin makes no difference to her, nor does the inter-breeding of races. Her attitude (and that of my other daughters) is: so what, the packaging doesn't affect the person inside. I think I must have done something right in the raising of my girls. Relax, it's not that bad !!!

Another solution submitted by Lee from Eugene, OR: If you just support the people in the situation and let them choose what they want in their life, that person will be a better more understanding person and they will be much happier.

Another solution submitted by Alison from Cedar Rapids, Iowa: I am also a 16 year old white female who has had many problems when it came to inter-racial dating. Last year I met a terrific black guy (same age), and my parents would not let me date him. I went behind their backs for a while, but we ended up breaking up because we could never spend time with each other. We are still very close today. I feel you should let your daughter continue to see this person. If he treats her really good and she is happy, than that should count for something. I look at it this way, would you rather her date a white guy who treats her bad and disrespects her, or a black guy who treats her so great, and loves her totally? I know this is hard because many people still don't except the idea of inter-racial dating, but how are we ever going to accept it if we don't do something about it! Our generation is the only hope for making this right! Plus, no matter what my parents say to me, I still get upset because in our eyes our parents are living in their teens and seeing what happened when they did this, but people are coming to except this now. If I really like a guy I'm going to make it work with him, so will your daughter no matter what you do. Let her experiment with different races so when she gets out on her own, and is really ready to settle down, she will have a better idea of what she is looking for. Because of my parents I had to give up the greatest guy I ever met so far! So please just really think about this before you do something drastic!

Another solution submitted by Jack from Stockton, CA: You're looking for an impossible solution. You want to deliver a message that sounds prejudiced, without sounding prejudiced. You want your daughter to voluntarily act as if she is prejudiced without being prejudiced. It's just not possible. I think you already achieved your goal; You raised a daughter who has no prejudices. Every teenager's TV show and movie now has a black "best friend" who is characterized as unbelievably witty, the best dancer and athlete, the most courageous, moral, fun and supercool. Pretty soon, it will be the same with homosexuals. Everyone on TV will have a gay family member - the beloved family moral compass! How can a parent protect their children from this maniacal liberal onslaught?

Your choice is simple. You can choose if you want your daughter to continue her flirtation with tragedy or do you want to appear as the media defined, most despised person in America - someone who makes judgments or has opinions. It's pretty simple really -- Forget the liberal BS and be a parent. Start taking away all of her privileges. Don't hesitate. Why do you think they are interested in her? For her conversational ability?

Editor's Note: I couldn't post Jack's opinion here, without inserting my own comment. I find it terribly sad that in this day and age people are still judged by the color of skin they have. Nuff Said.

Another solution submitted by Robin from Pittsfield, MA: I am annoyed because this really is not a problem - unless of course you have racist parents. Children (no matter the age) should use their own judgement regarding race and dating. By telling your child they should not date a specific race you are perpetuating prejudice and hatred. I welcome my children to explore other races and cultures; that is how they learn about people. Let them draw their own conclusions about race, ethnicity, culture, and religion!