Sydney, New South Wales, AUS
Number of kids: 1
Ages of kids: 3 & 1.5
Problem: My step daughter is nearly ten and no matter how hard I try I just can't bond with her. Most of the time I can't bear to be alone with her. I am much younger than my husband and his divorce was very messy. His ex wife tried a lot of things to destroy me and ruin my marriage with my husband. A lot of this anger was passed onto her daughter and she has caused a lot of problems. A couple of years ago she accused both of us of physical abuse and after the police and doctors investigated it was found to be false.
For the past year I have chosen not to see her so he takes her away on a holiday. Now she has come back to stay and I have chosen to stay home for it. I am a nervous wreck when she is here. I worry about what stories she will make up, whether she is hurting her brothers. My husband and I fight a lot when she is here because I am so tense. I just can't seem to forget and forgive what she has done and sometimes I hate her for it.
Solution submitted by Tami from Kennewick, WA:
I, too, am a stepmom. The 14 year old is my stepdaughter
(all 4 kids live with us) AND my husband has an 11
year old stepdaughter (from his second marriage) that
doesn't live us. I also find it difficult to like
the 11 year old and sometimes the 14 year old is the
typical teenager that I'd prefer not be around.However,
I just keep in mind a few things:
Good luck. This is a difficult road to travel.
Anther solution submitted by Maddy from NY: Tracy, I know it's hard, but you may want to try going out with your stepdaughter by yourselves. Shopping is always a good starting point. You can't blame her for siding with her mother, but you can show her that you both can still get along despite the situation. Also, try to talk pleasantly when you speak to her mother when she calls the house. I know it's easy for me to say, but remember that your relationship with your husband depends on it. Creating superficial "girl talk " with her might help.