Name: meek

Problem: Our son has become attached to sleeping in our bed. Two months ago he and I both had such a bad flu he slept with me for a week. My husband slept safely away from the virus in a futon downstairs. [We have a - heated - waterbed.] Well now we cannot get him out of our bed and back into his. We have tried moving him when he falls asleep but in between dreams, I suspect, he wakes up and comes into our bed.

Let me say my husband and I have no problem with closeness and comfort with our son, he is a joy, but I cannot sleep in the same bed with both of them. So basically every night I suffer broken sleep and as a result I seem to be chronically tired. Grabbing an occasional nap is out of the question as any parent with a [active] four year old realizes. Both my husband and I also hold down full time jobs out of necessity.

Any useful and creative suggestions are very much welcome.

Solution submitted by "Mom" from Vienna, VA: Hi Meek, This is to let you know you are not alone. My four year old wakes most nights to go to the bathroom, and then comes to sleep with me. Sometimes it is OK, But some nights I need to sleep! I had the most success with talking it out during the day, with a reminder at bedtime that Mommy needs her bed for herself tonight. It sure beats those middle of the night crying fits and trying to reason with a sleepy child! This worked for a while, then he got sick and I let him sleep with me, (he has asthma, and during bad spells I like him near so I can hear when the wheezing starts) and here we are trying to solve the problem again. I tried to offer incentives once, but after he stood crying and conflicted for 10 minutes one night I don't try that now.

Another solution submitted by ^MAMA^: Both of my children slept in my bed from the time that they were born. The only time that it became a problem was when we wanted some "privacy." During those times we either took it elsewhere or moved the child into "their" bed for the time needed.

I have no problems with them sleeping with me because I understand that there is a need for closeness and personally I find it comfortable (and we only have a double). On the occasions when they are having a restless night I put them in their own bed or sometimes even take it myself! The only thing that I am concerned about in your particular situation is that it is a waterbed which is an extremely dangerous place for a young child to sleep.

I found that when I made their bed a really special place to be, (special sheets....new pillow....favorite blanket....beloved toy), that they were inclined to stay there longer:) Good Luck on getting them to stay in "their" bed. My daughter (3 1/2) still sleeps with us, incidentally I nursed her until she was 2 1/2 years old!

Another solution posted by Maggie:My husband and I suffer from the same problem. I know it is not an easy thing to deal with. What we have tried is telling our three year old that she has to start out in her bed. It worked for awhile but one night I let her sleep with me. Now we are going through it all over again. All I can tell you is to have a lot of patience and keep trying .

I have a lot of hope for you that it will work.

Another solution posted by "Ksg": Since it is not privacy you are concerned about but comfort, why not try making a bed on the floor next to your bed? You can explain that mommy needs to stretch out to get good rest and that he needs room to stretch out also. Tell him he can sleep nearby until he is ready to go back to his own bed. Remind him he is growing and will probably need his comfy bed to get all the rest he needs to grow. If he is in a hurry to "get big" he might just go back to his own bed sooner than you expect!

Solution Posted by "Supermom":Meek, you have to be consistent in putting the child back in his or her own bed, that is number one. If he /she sees that you are consistent in putting him/her in bed then he will stay in his/her bed after awhile. It may take awhile to do this, and yes, your sleep is interrupted...it is one of the joys of motherhood! Another way you could explain to him/her that it's not ok to sleep with mom and dad as you have your own bed and can sleep there. If it's necessary you can tell him or her that you will turn the light on and this might help. If he/she likes the warmth of the waterbed you can work on buying one for him/her. The key word here is consistent! Good luck with this and I hope I have helped. Supermom

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