Name: Izzbeth
From: North Bend, OR
Number of Kids: 3
Kids Ages: 15, 9, 5
Problem: My son is 15 and very unmotivated. We have tried everything we can think of from positive affirmation, taking away privileges, grounding you name it we have tried it. He has not been in any kind of trouble but his school work is lacking. He just doesn't do the work or does it and doesn't turn it in. He tests high on statewide tests but continues to come home with a 1.0 GPA. This is so frustrating to us because we know he can do much better. We feel like we don't know how to get through to him.
I am open to any suggestions as to how we can get him to his potential.
Solution submitted by Jim from Victoria, TX: My son had the same problem as yours. This year I tried something a little bit different. Since my son is interested in art, we got him interested in architecture. We showed him what was required to get into a good college so he could major in that subject. His grades have turned around. He is now making A's and B's instead of F's and C's.Another solution submitted by Sue from Brunswick, ME: My daughter was a good student until the last quarter of the 6th grade. Peer acceptance has been her one and only goal since. During school she writes notes to other kids or writes in her diary. At home we could not get her to do her homework. I know for sure that the worse thing to do is pressure her into it. It only makes her rebel.
This summer we tried 2 new things that might help the situation. She was tutored in language arts twice a week this summer. Even though the school didn't require it, we told our daughter that in order to pass into the 8th grade, she would have to be tutored. - She flunked 2 courses. She actually enjoyed the tutoring because it was one-on-one and there was none of that "PEER" stuff going on. Emily's creativity was allowed to shine in the tutoring session, and she will probably be more willing now to share her writing in school. I also think that she may be motivated to work harder this coming year because she almost had to stay back.
The other thing we did was enroll her in a special martial arts program. This program is specifically geared for kids who lack motivation. The karate chops and kicks is just a small part of the program. The kids learn respect and self-discipline. The kids go on week-long wilderness trips and learn that they can tough out anything. This program also works with the schools and makes sure the kids do their homework. They have tutors there to help. Any child with ability who does not maintain a B average is kicked out of the program. The kids love the program, and most do not want to be kicked out. Supposedly this program has a 95% record of school improvement and attitude improvement. My daughter hasn't done this yet when school was in session, but I'm hoping it will work. I HAVE noticed a difference.
Another solution submitted by Sasha from St. Pete, FL: Our 12 year old boy scores very high on his national testing but was exhibiting the same behavior as Izzbeth's. We had a conference with all his teachers and he is very smart but does not do work in class or at home.
In Florida middle school starts in the 6th grade and this was the beginning of our problems. Is your son so caught up in peer pressure related issues that he is not paying attention? Ours is. This is a very difficult time for him. He is not sure who he is or how his learning applies to real life.
We tried motivating him by restricting him, etc. and it really did no good. He has not received a lot of discipline in the past and was not required to be responsible for much of anything. If your son is very smart, he is probably VERY BORED IN SCHOOL. You obviously have a computer. Look for software in areas of interest and get him on the computer. We bought the Middle School Advantage, the Sierra Kids Typing Program and the Simpson's Cartoon Studio (which we all use and is a lot of fun). We also do out-loud reading with him which he enjoys. Your son may be asking for more attention and working with him can be a very important way to satisfy that need.
We put him our son on a schedule so that he has free time followed by chores and homework. We talk to him about his homework before and after it is done and encourage him and discuss major projects so that they are planned and scheduled so that he isn't in a panic at the last minute.
Look for alternatives such as advanced classes, gifted classes etc. Get him excited about learning! You have two younger children as well. You may try to get your oldest to participate in helping them on their homework and computer skills.
Our son is enrolled in a summer gifted program for math, science and computers. The classes are then going on scheduled field trips to see how what they learn applies to their futures as adults. This year has been a nightmare, but we are seeing light at the end of the tunnel. His grades have come way up.
After 4 grading periods of working closely with him, we were very surprised to discover that our son went out and got a $5/hr job on his own. He works in a small beach store doing stock and helping customers several times a week.
Team sports are also important in making friends, learning to cooperate with others and letting off steam. Find one that he likes. Make it a reward if you have to pay for it (tennis lessons, golf etc.) so that he does not think you are giving him things even though he is not taking responsibility for himself. He nees to realize SCHOOL IS HIS JOB.
Another solution submitted by another Mama from Higginsville, MO: You don't mention if this is an ongoing problem or a recent development. If recent, check with the teacher(s) in problem classes. How is he socially? Has testing for learning disabilities been done? Students can score well on standardized tests due to differences in test administration. Can he read fluently and at grade level? We need more info.
Another solution submitted by KathyT from Zanesville, OH: Please don't take offense, but don't be too quick to discount this. Could he be depressed? If this is a change in his behavior, you might consider a pediatric psychiatrist. Has there been a loss? Kids grieve over things besides death, such as a move or change in schools. He might need to share his thoughts and feelings with someone outside the family. That's very normal, especially if he doesn't want to "bring you down." Don't be embarrassed to consider this. Better safe, than sorry. It can't hurt to explore this. Don't give up on him and let him know you love him and that his happiness and health are what's important.
Please submit any more solutions.