Name: a.student
SLO, CA
Number of kids: 2
Ages of kids: 1 & 2
Problem: My Husband and I have two children, ages one and two. We have been married for three years and it has been an uphill battle the whole way. He feels that he should be exempt from house chores, including picking up after himself. He leaves his clothes wherever they land and refuses to help with our kids. I have been the sole cleaner and caretaker of the family and do not know how much longer to put up with this. His family was never much for cleaning, and he does not think about picking up. My question is, how long can this be used as an excuse?
Solution submitted by Kendell from Henderson, NV: It sounds like you are starting to question what is going on in your home. The first step to change is awareness...so now that you are clear that there may be something "not right with this picture," you can work on changing the situation. Personally, I do not think one person in the home should be deemed the sole cook, housekeeper, chauffeur etc. as well as full time parent. If it is possible talk with your spouse and share with him how hard being at home all day is with two small children...our first two are only 16 months. apart and I remember how exhausted and at times overwhelmed I felt...support, love and understanding is what I needed most from my spouse, not criticism and expectations. We are expecting our fourth and have worked through A LOT! Good Luck!!! Remember...talk and listen to each other, and when all seems too much...LAUGH, lots...it really helps us to remember not to take life so seriously. You may, also, want to remind your spouse that marriage and family are partnership situations...you two are equally responsible for the raising of healthy children (physically and mentally).
Another solution submitted by Mikhael from Grande, CA: Can I tell you sis! You married him, did you know what you were getting in too? This sounds like the chronic case of I knew, but thought he would grow out of it. Sorry, but you get what you ask for. It's death till we part, even if in a dirty room, full of clothes. You must understand that, you should have broke him of this habit while you were dating. I had a girlfriend who was just like what you are saying. After a few times of her coming over and messing my PAD up, I said "hit the road lady"! I personally never dated any lady that was on welfare, unemployment, or disabled, these are your most chronic ones, who always have an excuse of "can't get a job, need a place to live for nothing, or I'm too fat to work, clean up my mess for me. The lady I found is a darling which really loves too COOK, CLEAN, and take care of the bedroom matters. Good Luck!
Please submit any more solutions.