Name: Monica
Eldridge, Missouri
Number of kid: 7
Ages of kids: 10,9,6,5,4,2 & 8 months
Problem: We have had a hard couple of years and have had some major upheavals from my husband's brother dying of AIDs to having an extremely premature baby to having our house burn down. We are trying to get back on our feet now and everyone seems to be adjusting O.K. except for my 6 year old daughter. She constantly acts out and cries at the drop of a hat. I try to give each child special one on one time at least a couple of times a week. I know it should be more but since our lives fell apart it is necessary for me to work full time and my husband is the primary caretaker. I have made a special effort with her by letting her stay up after the others have gone to bed but I'm afraid she'll began to use the situation against me. All of my children are very perceptive and unfortunately, due to our recent losses, they are also quite mature for their ages. Any suggestions?
Solution posted by "lau": Wow! I'd venture to say all have been through a very difficult time. I don't have a solution as much as a few questions.
With all that has happened isn't consistency and structure a solid basis for your children? I wonder how your wee one truly feels about not going to bed at a regular bedtime? Does she gain from the personal time or does she feel 'babied'? If she is gaining...GREAT...if she feels 'babied' she may be suffering in the self-esteem department. (I don't mean to offend so please don't take this wrong.)
Is there a counselor at school she can speak to? Or a minister, or someone she can open up her feelings to? She may not want to open up totally to you and your husband because you, too, have been through so much. Sounds as though she has a great many fears she can't let go of (and who could blame her!). Six is such a tough age and you have been through so very much.
There are a number of books available written for young children that touch upon the topic of death and new babies, etc. perhaps you could go that route. The best of luck to you all...
(Editor's Note: I did a quick search at the Amazon.com bookstore, and came up with the following book that may be of interest to you: It is called "Helping Children Grieve : When Someone They Love Dies" by Theresa Huntley. Here is a brief synopsis: "Children are bewildered and full of questions when a grandparent or other relative or friend dies. This book helps readers listen to children, answer their questions, and guide them in coping with their feelings." This book is a 79 page paperback, and the Amazon price is $7.19. To order this book from the #!Parentsroom Bookstore, please click HERE.) - Delila
Please submit any more solutions.