Name: Kaci

Lompoc, CA

Number of kids: 1

Ages of kids: almost 22 months

Problem: My son is almost 22 months old. When he was a year old he was bitten by another baby about his age. Soon after he started biting also. When he was put into a Child Development Center Daycare, he started biting other children. I was told this was not a problem, but after four weeks I said, "Are you sure it isn't a problem?" A few weeks later he was finally a problem! He was put on a behavior plan. This behavior plan was NOT followed by the daycare providers. The A.M. staff and the P.M. staff both told me this. I would follow it even if my son just put his mouth on me. He never bit at home. Around my other friends' children he would bite, but only if they took his toy away and only after screaming and making a big fuss of trying to gain the toy back. He NEVER bites unprovoked. Well after a few weeks at daycare he was finally kicked out, because his "behavior plan," such as it wasn't!!!!, wasn't working and no one wanted to deal with a biter. They said they would prefer that he were a screamer or a hitter. They would keep him if he had those behaviors. GO FIGURE! After leaving that daycare in December 96 my son has bitten less than 10 times in the five months since he left. I am still concerned about his biting, because I plan on moving soon, and I will be putting him in another daycare. Now, he is with a daycare, who is my friend, that will work with him. If he bites he is put in timeout. He is told biting hurts. NO BITING! My husband even bit him back one time after he bit his sisters son. >:( I was NOT happy with my husband! Well to make a long and boring story short. Does anyone know of anything else I can try to stop the biting totally? Please help. Jaw's MOM! :^#

Solution submitted by "Debbie" from Orangevale, CA: Been there! Done that! My son (now 9) was a biter. First understand why he is biting. It is because he cannot communicate effectively because of his age. Someone upsets him (takes away a toy possibly) and since he is young his emotions overpower him. He needs to learn (be taught not punished) how to respond appropriately (this is why biting back doesn't work). Time-out doesn't work either because he is not learning how to respond to those emotions next time. He needs to be taught (through repetition) how to respond. This worked with my son, but it will not happen overnight. His need to bite will not go away because he is punished, therefore he needs an alternative. I used an old plastic baby teether thing. It was kind of big and he could really get his mouth on it. I explained to him "People are not for biting. When you need to bite, this is your special biting toy. You may bite this toy." So when he bites (or begins to) say (as you are physically removing him from the other child) "STOP! People are not for biting. You may bite your special toy." Then offer it to him. The key is to have to biting toy literally in your back pocket! If you run off to get it, he will probably go over and resolve the conflict his way. Then talk to him about what happened and resolve the conflict which started it. (I'm sure he never bites other kids because he's hungry! There is usually a conflict over toys, etc.) His feeling need to labeled with words and the appropriate response taught. Example: "People are not for biting. You may bite your toy. You are angry that Kelsey took your truck away. You need to tell her with words. I will help you." Then take him over and "help" (depending on his verbal skills. At first you may have to speak for him, but that is modeling and he is learning by listening to you.) Help him communicate with words "I don't like it when you take my truck. I want it back." If he has hurt another child, then he needs to help that child feel better. "Kelsey's arm has an owie. You need to help her feel better. You can hold the ice on her arm." Or even just sit by the victim, not as punishment, but as a way of teaching empathy. He needs to see that his actions have hurt someone. Anticipating the conflict and stepping before the biting is also important. Any good teacher will know these skills. This may be a good way to evaluate a center. Ask them how they deal with biting. If they punish instead of teaching, I would walk out the door. Dealing with emotions and resolving conflicts are lifelong skills that will empower him the rest of his life! Good luck

Another solution submitted by Martha from Hallsville, TX: My children never had a problem with biting. That's not to say they never bit anyone though. I must be honest and tell you two things. First of all, I do not believe in "time-out" as a source of punishment. Second, I would have to lean more to your husbands way of handling this. Your son does need to be corrected/disciplined for biting others. My suggestion to you - if you believe in spanking- is to give him a swat or two on his behind as soon as he bites. Make sure you swat hard enough to get his attention. If you are consistent - and that is one of the keys here- it won't take long before he will associate biting with spankings. When my children were that age, I spanked with a wooden spoon. You need to explain to him what he did wrong and why it is wrong. Always confirm your love to him. Hope this can be of help to you.

Update from Kaci (the original poster of this problem): This is Kaci. Thanks for the suggestions. First I would like to say that the biting is almost non-existent. He will occasionally try it when someone takes a toy from him and he has been patiently trying to keep it from them. HE has lately been the one who has been getting bitten by the other child in day care. I do tell him not to bite, biting hurts your friends, and ever since the day care incident when he was younger, I have been teaching him to say NO back to the other children. That seems to work the best for me. I notice that he still has the need to chew on things, but as for biting it was only as a defense mechanism. So, things are getting better. He comes and tells me when another kid has bitten him. He will hold out whatever part of his body that the kid bit and say OW! OW! then he points at the kid and runs up to him and says NO, then he points at his ouch, and says NO ow! NO! It is hilarious, but with all the coaching I have given him, he is finally understanding. NO BITING! Thanks! Kaci