Name: Diane G.
Bakersfield, CA
Number of kids: 1
Ages of kids: 14
Problem: I have a 14 year old boy. Most of the time he is a fairly good kid. As far as being "Street Smart," he is not. He has a problem picking the right friends, and or realizing what these so called friends are doing to him, real friends would not do. Case in point; I received a call from school today telling me that yesterday after school my son was walking home from school with one of his "so called" friends. There was another boy walking home also, but not with them. The kid that my son was walking with asked my son if he thought he could beat up the other boy. At first my son said "I don't know" but unfortunately did not leave it at that. To make a long story short, my son went over and hit the other kid. Came back over to the kid that he was walking with. On thing lead to another and my son hit the kid again. My son is now suspended from school for 5 days and I am feeling like I failed somewhere along the way. All of these other people have teenagers that are well adjusted and basically stay out of trouble, and I have the teenager from Hell.
Solution submitted by Lynda from Carbondale, Illinois: As a mother of four boys, I really related to [this mother].
I have had 2 boys pass through that 14 year old stage and one who is 14 right now. I can tell you that you are definitely not alone. As you have also felt, I know parents that seem to have perfect children, and mine seem to have every problem know to human kind.
Though I have no real solution to the problem that you are facing, I can tell you one thing that has helped me. Try not to judge your child. It is easy to say, "you are choosing the wrong friends." I have looked at my children's friends from the past and wondered what rock they had crawled out from under. I guess that is the nature of children sometimes.
Talk to him about what he is doing. Listen to him. It sounds to me that he may be struggling with some self esteem problems, if he feels like he has to do what others tell him in order to be accepted.
The most important thing is, to keep the lines of communication open with him. If he feels like he can talk to you and you won't judge him for that, he "will" talk to you, and you may in turn be able to give him some guidance as to how to handle the situations as they arise.
I would suggest that if the problems continue and your son keeps getting into trouble because of the influence of others, that you get professional guidance. I took my second son in for counseling at the age of 14 for very similar circumstances as yours, and I'm sure it was the best thing I could ever do for him. He is now a well adjusted 18 year old, with a good job and many good friends. At 14 he was a lost soul.
Whatever you do, remember to love him no matter what.
Please submit any moresolutions.